I have always wanted to blog. Weird, right? I have always loved to write. Since I was in school. I used to love writing soap opera like stories involving my friends and I and the crush of the moment. One story I wrote had us marrying each of the members of the band Duran Duran. It was awesome. Yes, in my infamous stories, I was once married to Nick Rhodes. That’s the fun of writing. You can do anything with words.
I love that writing gives you control. You can write a short story and recreate your life. You can write in a journal and share all your hopes and fears. You can write a friend and share your deepest secrets.
I am doing this new blog adventure for a few reasons. One – to share my enthusiasm for faith and fitness and all that it has done to change my life for the better. Two – it’s close to one of my bucket list items of writing a great novel one day. I once bought a typewriter and a desk with the intention to write a book. Yes. A TYPEWRITER. Before I owned a computer. With ribbon and correction tape. I couldn’t wait to write something great. I had no idea just how hard that would be. Especially as a single mom at the time working part-time. It just wasn’t meant to be I guess. At least not yet.
I’m not sure that I am anyone special. If I believe what the magazine covers say I’m not. And I used to believe it. I used to buy into the idea that to be a beautiful woman you had to fit into a certain box and every month the list of ideals would change. I spent years comparing myself to those imperfect women. Convinced I was never going to measure up in any way. I certainly wasn’t close to having that perfect body. Not after three kids. I wasn’t sexy enough. I didn’t dress a certain way. I didn’t behave a certain way. The comparison game is frustrating to say the least. Don’t do it. It steals your joy.
It wasn’t until I nearly lost my marriage that I realized how off track I really was. I was spinning my wheels trying to be someone else. I was convinced our marriage was broken if my husband wasn’t doing A, B and C like was stated in the quizzes and articles.
I had no idea who I was and because I was so busy trying to be someone else and fit into someone else’s idea of a perfect life, I was miserable. I was convinced I wasn’t anything special. Unlovable. Flawed. I wanted a relationship like a movie or magazine article. I wanted perfection in an imperfect world.
That’s the world we live in. Buy more, do more, change yourself. It’s awful really if you aren’t strong enough to stand up to it and recognize it’s all false.
I was a broken person in so many ways. My mom, brother and sister died in a car accident when I was close to 19. I had been a single mom trying to raise a good boy in a broken world, still broken myself without even realizing it. My marriage had problems. I had problems that I didn’t even know I had. Too many years of burying things deep down inside. I had little trust. Little self confidence. And a negative attitude about myself.
Two things changed my life and strengthened my whole identity.
Faith. And Fitness.
This is my story.