Fun fact about me. I don’t drive long distance. I don’t do road trips. The idea freaks me right out.
Not only does it create a fear of not knowing where I’m going and the risk of getting lost, but I fear the worst. I think about all kinds of bad situations.
It doesn’t take a great detective to figure out, it probably – NO – it has EVERYTHING to do with losing half my family in a car accident nearly thirty years ago.
Today is one of those days. Road trip for a work meeting and I am beside myself in anxiety and fear. Thankfully I don’t have to drive. That would be terror inducing.
But I have to ride with a few other co-workers.
My mind knows it’s totally fine and people make the drive all the time.
But it’s the combination of not knowing the driver, how they drive and a bunch of wild hormones right now.
The more I think about it the more I worry which is never ever good.
I got ready for work this morning, and my mind was working overtime. What if this was it? I think things like that. Because my family’s death was so unexpected.
What if the way I left my room, the mess of my scrapbook room/office – was it?
I look at things that way since my family died. What is the last words I say to my husband and kids in the morning? Did I tell them I loved them? Was it positive?
Have I left anything unsaid or undone? Yes. Maybe that seems odd to you but it’s how I think when I know deep in my soul that every day could be a last day.
Hopefully, it’s not.
But it’s how I think. A lot.
Praying extra hard right now for peace of mind and a safe trip.
I know, all of this might seem so silly to you. Just a glimpse. When you survive a tragedy, it doesn’t ever really lose it’s grip on you.