Carrie Cotton

Just a Girl In The World Sharing The Ups and Downs of a Messy Life

Fun fact about me. I don’t drive long distance. I don’t do road trips. The idea freaks me right out.

Not only does it create a fear of not knowing where I’m going and the risk of getting lost, but I fear the worst. I think about all kinds of bad situations.

It doesn’t take a great detective to figure out, it probably – NO – it has EVERYTHING to do with losing half my family in a car accident nearly thirty years ago.

Today is one of those days.  Road trip for a work meeting and I am beside myself in anxiety and fear. Thankfully I don’t have to drive. That would be terror inducing.

But I have to ride with a few other co-workers.

My mind knows it’s totally fine and people make the drive all the time.

But it’s the combination of not knowing the driver, how they drive and a bunch of wild hormones right now.

The more I think about it the more I worry which is never ever good.

I got ready for work this morning, and my mind was working overtime.  What if this was it? I think things like that. Because my family’s death was so unexpected.

What if the way I left my room, the mess of my scrapbook room/office – was it?

I look at things that way since my family died.  What is the last words I say to my husband and kids in the morning? Did I tell them I loved them? Was it positive?

Have I left anything unsaid or undone?  Yes.  Maybe that seems odd to you but it’s how I think when I know deep in my soul that every day could be a last day.

Hopefully, it’s not.

But it’s how I think.  A lot.

Praying extra hard right now for peace of mind and a safe trip.

I know, all of this might seem so silly to you. Just a glimpse.  When you survive a tragedy, it doesn’t ever really lose it’s grip on you.

 

 

 

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