Carrie Cotton

Just a Girl In The World Sharing The Ups and Downs of a Messy Life

I didn’t see my mom get old. She died at 41. She was still young.

It’s so weird to outlive your parent.

I am 47 now, so every year I celebrate a birthday, I think of my mom and how I’ve had so much more time on this planet.

But, I’ve had some issues lately with aging. I mean, I am seeing some serious wrinkles. In my neck, especially.  I notice it a lot in pictures. I zoom in and every single time think “how did this happen?” It makes me gasp.

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel like those wrinkles belong to me.  But there they are.  My hands, I see age.  Not enough moisturizer to cover that up. And now, I’ve got my grey hair showing through. And I’m trying to decide if I want to keep it. Or hide it.  What would you do?

I have coloured my hair since I discovered Sun In in grade eight.  Anybody else remember that nasty stuff? Ha.  You were only to supposed to use a few sprays of it. To enhance that “been in the sun glow”.  How many of us used bottles of it? Damaging out hair in the process.  Yep, it’s a bit of an addiction.

Change your hair colour/ style – change your personality. Or at least how you FEEL about yourself.

The desire to change my personality, by changing my hair colour has been there a long time. I’ve always loved how a hair colour change can instantly improve your mood.  It can make you feel like a different person. One simple change of hair cut/ colour/ style and you’re walking taller, feeling more confident and happy. New hair. New person.

But every so often, when I see the grey roots come through, I wonder if this time I just let nature take over and just let it happen.  Embrace the grey.  Just like the wrinkles in my neck. Ha. But there’s a feeling when the greys show up.  I start to feel a little bit older. So I’ve always ended up going back to the colour. To stop time? To stop the aging process? Am I trying to fight who I am?  Afraid of getting older?

It’s strange to look in the mirror and notice the changes in your body.  I don’t FEEL older.

Time goes by so quickly.

I’ve become so aware of it these last few years. I’m trying so hard not to let a day go by without doing something I love.  I’m done wasting my days waiting for something to happen. Waiting for Friday, the weekend, summer vacation, Christmas – so many people spend so much time waiting, and they are missing the moment they are in.

My mom didn’t live past 41. I know that the years she had were full. I know that she embraced life to the full.  But she was cheated of the second half. I refuse to waste a day on silly stuff.

I know I’m getting older and it’s showing.  But I am grateful.  For the grey hair and the wrinkles and age spots on my hands.  I am so grateful.

So maybe this time, I’ll hold out on the box colour.  I’ll allow the grey to take over.  As Rob Thomas sings “I’m not afraid of growing older. It’s one less day from dying young.

And honestly, I’ve earned those greys. Every single one of them.

Rob Thomas Dying Young

 

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