It’s National Siblings Day. I’ve seen it plastered all over my social media all day long.
Earlier this morning I shared my own pictures on my own Facebook page.
That’s me. On the far left. Leaning against the tree. My brothers and sister around me. Just hanging out. In the tree. A nice reminder of how our childhood used to be. Carefree. Spending time together. Having fun. Hamming it up for the camera.
But my sister and one of my brothers were killed in a car accident in 1990.
Today I scroll social media and see all the happy pictures of people I know with their brothers and sisters in celebration of National Sibling Day. For a while it didn’t really bother me. Then I started to get a bit jealous of everyone that had current pictures with their siblings. Because they still had them in their lives. How lucky.
It’s been close to 30 years since I had my brother and sister. It’s been close to 30 years of living life without them. And it sucks.
I’m sure someone will say “I’m sorry this still bothers you” or make a similar comment – but the truth is – on a day when the world reminds you of what you’re missing, it’s hard to not be bothered by it. It’s hard to not think about it.
I’m totally ok. I’m not breaking down in tears. I’m not inconsolable. I’m just stuck in a moment and wishing they were still here. Wishing we had more pictures and more happy memories. More annoyances. More sibling rivalries to talk about at the dinner table. More every day things that other people might take for granted.
On a day like National Sibling Day – I feel like if I only share a picture of my brother I’m dishonouring them. I feel like if I post a picture of all of us in a tree people wonder why I don’t talk about them. Or what if they ask and I have to say those words I hate to say “they died”.
I thought it wouldn’t bother me. I guess I was wrong. And as I write that, I know that they would be the first to give me a kick in the pants and tell me to stop my moping and just get on with it. Because that’s what siblings do. They annoy the heck out of you. (smile).
Miss you Kyle and Kim. More than words.