“You finally found all your courage to let it all go”
It’s one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite bands – The Cure. From the song Pictures of You. Listening to the song on repeat tonight, amazed by how that song has taken on a completely different meaning for me now then when we listened to it nearly 30 years ago.
Nearly 30 years ago, that song played on a car stereo, as friends of mine drove me away from our family home, to help me escape the pain that was surrounding me at the time. At one of the most difficult times in my life, we drove, and the Cure played. “Screamed at the make believe, screamed at the stars, you finally found the courage to let it all go”.
There was silence in the car as we drove. Nobody said a word as the song played “Looking so long at these pictures of you…. ” Suddenly that song, those lyrics, were crippling. Someone hit stop and the song was over because they knew it was too hard, too much.
My friends were real with me. They didn’t accept my “I’m ok” answer. They were honest. They pushed me to find the courage to let it all go. There were so many tears. So much unbelief. It was a moment I had to just let go of all that was hurting me.
The problem is sometimes we let it go, and then we take it back. We push it away. We bury it. We ignore it. As if by doing so we’ll forget we are broken and who broke us. We think we are protecting ourselves.
We hang on when what we really need to do is just let go.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about so many different things. There are people crossing my path right now that are forcing me to deal with some stuff and let go of what’s holding me back. Like anger, and unforgiveness.
I never expected I would ever have the chance to be in the same living space as the guy who ran the stop sign that Saturday evening. But now that I now where he is, the question of forgiveness comes up. The realization that yes, I’ve been holding onto some hurt. Unforgiveness. Could I do it? Am I ready to let go?
I have blamed so many people in my life over the years for not talking about them (my family) after they died. I resented people who didn’t mention them. So much misdirected anger. Time to let it go and own that the truth is – it was all me. I ran away from it. I ran hard and I ran fast. I didn’t want to be around or talk to anyone that reminded me of what happened. No matter how much it hurt me.
A few other people have shown up in different ways these last few months. Each showing up so unexpectedly. To teach a lesson, to offer an apology, to remind me that I still have to work on forgiveness and most importantly – to just “let go”.
So random, or maybe so purposely planned.
I believe people cross our paths for a reason. I believe God works through people and sometimes it’s through these random encounters we get the greatest messages.
Words we never knew we needed to hear until they are spoken and they reach down deep in our soul, and we just know we needed them for our healing.
And we realize, the pieces are in place for a reason. To help us. To heal us. To finally “let go”.